


Something Wrong, Something Right

by Lumelle



Series: Changing Plumage [1]
Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, FtM Hibari Kyouya, Gender Dysphoria, M/M, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-08
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2019-01-10 20:42:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12307356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lumelle/pseuds/Lumelle
Summary: It's a bad day, one of those when everything feels wrong. Somehow, though, Cavallone manages to make things... not better, not really, but at least a little less awful.





	Something Wrong, Something Right

The school roof was starting to feel rather cold, but Kyouya made no move to get up.

He wasn't tired, not as such, though he did often choose this spot for taking a nap. At the moment he was only taking advantage of the isolated location to get some peace and quiet. He could have simply left Kusakabe in charge of the school's discipline and headed home, of course, but this was easier. Besides, for all its good qualities, his home didn't offer such a grand view of the sky above.

The sounds of students going about their day drifted up to his ears, muffled by the distance and a hint of wind to a tolerable level. Nobody had tried to come up to the roof, thankfully. He didn't feel like disciplining anyone right now.

It would have been easier if he had been in pain, Kyouya mused. He knew pain, could handle it and the way it coursed through his body. It was the one thing about his body that made sense, the way aches and pains defined his boundaries. There was no such thing right now, though, no aches or even feelings of sickness he could have blamed for his less than acceptable frame of mind. Nothing was wrong, not really, yet everything was.

Hibird circled above him, singing briefly before landing next to him and nuzzling his cheek. The little ball of fluff was used to his moods by now, for all that it didn't understand them. Hibird was lucky, really, being a bird. Hibari was certain they didn't have to deal with the same sort of nonsense that burdened him.

Kyouya could have sworn he had only closed his eyes for a moment, yet when he opened them again, the sounds of students had faded away and the sky above him was painted in the hues of evening. The wind was picking up, too, making him shiver as he shifted on the cold concrete of the roof.

Wrong. Everything was wrong.

His ears caught the hint of someone moving nearby, and Hibari sat up at once, looking around as he whipped out a tonfa. He was already berating himself for letting his guard down so when he spotted a familiar green coat and relaxed, if only a little. Cavallone was a pest, sure, but he was not a threat, not quite. Which didn't mean Kyouya was going to let him get away with sneaking about the school unannounced, of course, but at least it did explain why he hadn't woken up the moment Dino stepped up to the roof.

"Bucking Horse." Kyouya made a face, dragging one of his knees up to rest his arm on it. The slightly slouching posture made him uncomfortably aware of his chest, but there was no helping that. It wasn't like he could have forgotten, not today. "What are you doing here?"

"Looking for you." Dino smiled, as though it was that simple. Except nothing with Dino was ever simple. "I heard you'd been in a worse mood than usual today, so I thought you might like some company."

Kyouya was about to protest, or perhaps ask who would have claimed such a thing and whether they wished to be bitten to death, only to remember he had already clashed with Gokudera Hayato that morning. It had been the stupid bomber's fault, anyway, being so needlessly loud on school grounds. "If I am truly in a bad mood, wouldn't that be a reason for you to stay away?"

"Oh, but I want to cheer you up, Kyouya." Dino crouched in front of him, just out of reach. Romario's familiar form was visible behind his shoulder, far enough to give them some semblance of privacy yet never actually leaving his boss alone. "And, well, it has been a while since we had a proper spar. How about it?"

Kyouya couldn't help the smirk that rose to his face, even his gloomy mood not enough to entirely squash the burst of excitement at the thought of fighting Dino. The very next moment, though, it occurred to him that doing so would have required him to move, to be consciously aware of every part of this traitorous body of his. "No."

"What?" Dino looked genuinely surprised. "You — don't want to fight?"

"I believe I was very clear." Kyouya yawned, only exaggerating the gesture a little to make a point. "I don't feel like wasting my time with you today, Cavallone."

"Kyouya?" Now, there was a tone of worry to Cavallone's voice. "Are you — are you feeling all right?"

"I am fine," he lied, shifting away as Dino reached forward as though to touch his forehead. "I merely have no desire to amuse you at the moment."

Dino looked like he wanted to protest, hand still hovering in the air, but then he slumped a little. "Ah. All right, then."

Kyouya expected Dino to simply leave, then, like the dejected puppy he looked like. Instead, though, the don sat down on the roof as well, just enough to the side that he wasn't directly facing Kyouya.

"What are you doing?" Kyouya tried to fill his voice with disdain, but it came out more tired than anything.

"Keeping you company." Dino smiled, as though he had just said something simple and obvious rather than made a completely nonsensical statement. "I figured that if I can't cheer you up, I can at least distract you from whatever's got you down."

He should have protested, should have stuck to his claim that nothing was wrong, or at least told Dino to leave. Instead, Kyouya found himself tucking his tonfa away, sighing as he lay down on the roof again. He felt uncomfortably exposed, lying on his back like this, but doing otherwise would have made Dino even more suspicious than he already was. "Distract? More like disturb."

"Well, if it works, you can call it what you wish." Dino paused. "You're going to catch a cold like this."

"No, I won't." Sure, Kyouya was shivering between the cold roof and the wind, but he was not going to admit that. "I am not that weak. Besides, cold temperature alone does not make you sick."

"If you are sure." There was still some doubt in Dino's voice, though, enough that Kyouya half expected him to drape his ridiculous coat over Kyouya just to make a point. Instead, the idiot made a surprisingly smart decision and fell silent, though he still didn't move away.

Kyouya closed his eyes, thoroughly aware of just how close by Dino was. There was little he could do about that without starting a fight, though, and that would have rather destroyed his earlier statement. Dino was probably counting on that, the bastard. Well, Kyouya wasn't about to give him the satisfaction.

He half expected Dino to start speaking soon. Instead, the silence stretched on, neither of them saying a word.

Kyouya wondered, sometimes, just how much Dino knew and understood. The man was more observant than he let on, and far more intelligent than one would have guessed from his usual carefree demeanor. This wasn't a matter of mafia finances, though, not underhanded politics or the organization of hundreds of people. This was about Kyouya and no one else, his own private burden that was not to be shared, and there was no way Dino could truly understand something even Kyouya was still sometimes struggling with.

The more Kyouya tried to ignore his body, the more aware he became of it, to the point he wanted to scream just to get some of his discomfort out. It felt like a poor substitute to actually addressing the feelings within, but there was little else he could try instead. Not that he was going to do that either, of course, not with Dino here. Kyouya wasn't about to show that sort of weakness in front of anyone, never mind the endlessly annoying herbivore who would no doubt take it as an excuse to hover around him even more.

Hibird tweeted somewhere near his ear, the small wings brushing against the side of Kyouya's face as the bird took flight. Kyouya expected it to circle up around them, or perhaps try nesting in the mess Dino called his hair. Instead he was startled to find the small weight landing on his chest. Hibird weighed next to nothing, but even that sudden addition was enough to make Kyouya flinch as it forced him to acknowledge the parts he rather would not have.

"Kyouya?" Of course Dino would have noticed that, too observant for his own good at the most inopportune times.

"What?" He kept his voice carefully level, opening his eyes to glance at Dino. The don was leaning towards him, looking an awful lot like he wanted to reach closer but holding himself back. Perhaps he wasn't entirely an idiot.

Dino opened his mouth as though to say something, then closed it again. He shook his head, drew a deep breath, and tried again. "How long have you been wearing your binder today?"

Kyouya froze. He felt as though his very thoughts were slowing to a crawl, unable to process the question enough to answer. There was far too much packed into the seemingly simple question, too many implications and assumptions and things Dino should not have known, and if he'd felt uncomfortable before now he was choking, his lungs struggling to draw air, except he couldn't and —

"Kyouya!" Dino was next to him in a flash, a concerned hand settling on Kyouya's shoulder as he sat up and immediately hunched over, gasping for air. "Kyouya, are you all right?"

"You —" He should have denied it all, should have feigned ignorance, done anything but actually acknowledge the question as legitimate. Instead Kyouya found himself gulping for air in a way he wasn't sure he'd done since the last time he'd been foolish enough to try binding his chest with regular bandages. His entire body trembled, and he wasn't sure it was just from the cold wind.

"Sorry, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought that up, just forget I said anything, I'm sure you know what to do —" Dino was rambling, now, worry shaking him into a frenzy. Usually Kyouya would have mocked him for being so sensitive, but right now it took all he had to simply try and calm himself.

Well. At least that definitely answered his question of whether Dino knew or not.

It took what felt like forever, but finally Kyouya managed to calm his breathing. Hibird was circling him with concerned chirps, and Dino was still close, far too close, and everything felt wrong but at least he was breathing again. He could practically feel Dino relaxing next to him, the fussy herbivore that he was.

"How did you find out?" That was, in the end, the most pressing question. If there was something he had neglected, some avenue of information that he hadn't blocked, he needed to address it at once. Dino knowing was uncomfortable, but tolerable. Someone else finding out as well was not something he could accept.

"Just putting clues together, more or less." Dino shrugged, withdrawing a little now that Kyouya appeared better but not moving away as such. "I doubt anyone else knows you well enough, or pays attention to the things I do. I've seen your binder once or twice, when your shirt has been torn during training, and after that I started paying more attention."

"You aren't supposed to know." It felt like he was stating the obvious, here. Nobody was supposed to know, Kyouya had taken great pains to make sure nobody would, and yet, Dino had somehow found out the truth without his even realizing.

"Ah. Sorry?" Dino scratched his head, looking sheepish. "I wasn't going to bring it up, I figured you had your reasons for not saying anything, but, well. You seem out of sorts, and you usually don't mind Hibird sitting on your chest. Clearly you're either feeling uncomfortable in general, or your binder is giving you trouble."

Kyouya wanted to deny it, wanted to point out that there was more to his life than his mess of a body. Instead, he flicked his gaze to the side. "It feels wrong," he murmured, then clarified, "Everything does."

"Ah." Dino nodded slowly as though digesting the information. "Any particular reason?"

"Not that I can think of." Why was he explaining all this, anyway? Well, aside from the fact that he didn't really have anyone to complain to, and since Dino already knew there was no harm in it. "Some days are just… difficult. Most of the time I can ignore the things that aren't right, but sometimes I can't help but be aware of it all."

"Right." Dino nodded again. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

He should have said no, should have told Dino to simply go away and leave him be. However, it was getting late, Kyouya was cold, and the idiot was looking so damn earnest Kyouya was certain he'd burst any moment now. Somehow, he heard his own voice saying, "You can give me a ride home."

If Dino was surprised, he hid it very well. Grinning brightly, he stood up, waving Romario closer to give him instructions as Kyouya got to his feet as well. Mere moments later Kyouya found himself escorted away from the school grounds with far too much fuss, really now he was fine, but the car Dino ushered him into was very nice and warm and he simply didn't have the energy to argue.

Dino tried to make small talk the whole way to Kyouya's house, though he didn't seem perturbed at Kyouya's lack of answers. Romario sat next to his boss, tactfully silent, for which Kyouya was grateful. Dino's inane chatter was tolerable in as much as it brought the situation some semblance of normalcy, but Kyouya wasn't going to take part in an actual conversation right now. He leaned his head against the car window, focusing on the cool sensation of it against his skin. As long as he could focus on that and forget that he even had a body, he would be fine. Surely he would be fine.

Kyouya was not entirely sure how he made his way from the car into his house, never mind his bedroom. Somehow he must have made the transition, however, as he woke up in his bed in the wee hours of the morning, clad in pajamas instead of his school uniform. The binder was gone, which was probably just as well. He refused to let his issues bring him more suffering than they already did.

He still felt out of sorts, and a part of him itched to do something foolish, such as striking the wall simply to hurt himself. Pain was familiar, pain always felt the same, even when his body was even less his own than it usually was.

Rather than strike anything, Kyouya reached for his cell phone. There was a message from Dino, a fact that failed to surprise him. He squinted at the screen as it flared to life in the otherwise dark bedroom.

'If you ever need to talk, you know how to reach me. I may not have any first-hand experience with what you're going through, but I like to think I know enough to at least lend a sympathetic ear.'

It was a ridiculous offer, really. Kyouya was hardly one to pour out his heart to anyone, and Dino knew it perfectly well. He should have reminded Dino of the fact, perhaps made some snide comment about how laughable the very idea was. Instead, he found himself simply setting the phone aside again, letting his head sink back to the pillow. His answer could wait until morning.

As Kyouya closed his eyes, he half expected the turmoil of the day to follow him into his dreams, to battle discomfort and self-loathing even in his sleep. Instead he found his mind drifting to warm brown eyes and a soft voice in his ear. It was, he concluded, a much better distraction from his woes than the cold school roof and the vast sky above.

Not that he still wasn't going to fight Dino the next time they met, of course. Just on principle.


End file.
